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Welcome to Coen's
​sleep program 

 

Here you will find information and supporting links to help you through the journey for better sleep.

You will be able to visit this site whenever you need as we work together. The sleep program will end on 11th June 2021.
You will be able to revisit any task, recordings and information up to 8 weeks after the end of our program.

To protect your information, I will erase this page on 6th August 2021

Here is the zoom link for any future calls: 

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/71508213836?pwd=OFdrQVV4eHRNL3o1MU93NkFpcXVidz09

Meeting ID: 715 0821 3836
Passcode: 51vefQ


Booking call  - 30 April 2021

Here is your first task. You can print it by clicking on each picture.
  • Focus on being consistent with wake up time and meal times. 
  • Have a little ritual at meal times eg. sit down, have a little plate or put a bib on 

Visit First steps nutrition for ideas of meals and portion sizes . You can scroll down and download the ' Eating well: the first year. A guide to introducing solids and eating well up to baby's birthday'
90 min call report

4 May 2021 -- NAPS
At first we will work on making the naps a little later than what they are now. We want to shift Coen’s day by at least an hour later.  There are 2 ways of doing this. Choose the route you want to take and stick with it for about a week. 

Later we will work on bedtime and the early awake specifically.
​
Quick way -
  • Try and keep Coen awake for as long as possible close to the morning nap, between 8:30 and 9am (this is around 2h40m awake window for 6am). 
  • Focus on that first nap!
  • Wake him after around 1 hour if he sleeps in. (we want him to be tired enough for the next nap)
  • Leave 3 hours awake window until the next nap. 
  • Let him sleep his usual long lunch nap or up to 2 hours. 
  • Leave another 3 or 4 hours awake window before bedtime. This may mean he goes to bed early, perhaps at 6:30pm. if he is tired enough. 

Soon we will see if Coen would benefit from having a cat nap (15 min) later in the afternoon and a later bedtime or if the early bedtime is good for him. We will be looking at the effects on the early wake ups as well as how easily he goes to sleep at bedtime.

Pros -- in less then a week we should be able to shift the naps and find out what needs adjusting next
Cons -- It will be intense! You will likely have a tired, cranky baby for a few days. 
The gamble -- Nights may become easier after 3 or 4 days as Coen is tired enough and is recovering at night OR you may have more disrupted nights as he is too tired  or finds the rhythm of change too fast.
Gentle way - 
  • Currently his first nap seems to be at 8am (ish). So everyday you shift this to 5 - 10 minutes later.
  • ​Focus on that first nap!
  • Wake him after around 1 hour if he sleeps in. (we want him to be tired enough for the next nap)
  • ​Leave 3 hours awake window until the next nap. 
  • Let him sleep his usual long lunch nap or up to 2 hours.
  • Leave 3 hours awake window until the next nap. The next nap will be very short!
  • This is going to be a cat-nap, only about 15-20 min long. The objective is for him to have a little rest to see him till bedtime. (at first this cat nap will be at around 4:30pm)
  • ​Bedtime at around 7:30 - 8pm

As the days go by and the naps are happening later, the cat nap will disappear and the bedtime will come earlier. 

Pros -- No or very little cry and crankiness. Your nights are likely to be similar.
Cons -- You will need to be more patient to see the results as the changes are gentle and may take more than a week (But I’m here tracking and keeping an eye so will highlight the little wins!)
​


The focus on this next week are having a predictable rhythm to the day (mainly led by dramatic wake up and meals) and working on adjusting the naps.
Carry on being consistent with meal times: 

  • Breakfast at the time that works for you (as long as it is consistent)
  • Lunch before the second nap. It may be at around 11:30am for a while
  • Dinner at around 5pm

Remember to have a little ritual to punctuate meal times: bib on, sit down, a little phrase for example. This will be particularly helpful as you are an active family and not always at home for meals.

Please let me know which route you choose to take so I can best support you and do get in touch if you need anything or want to share a little (or big) win.

I will send you a short questionnaire and sleep diary on the 10th May to assess what we need to address next and I will check up how it's going on Friday 7th.


>>You chose to go 'the quick way' <<

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What worked this week
  • Keeping a good routine to the day
  • Pushing naps to a later timing
  • ​No middle of the night hours awake!!!
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Here is how your day might go, as per or email ( please note that the timings are only suggestions)

  • Start the day around 6 - 6:30am (we will tackle that 5am rise after we nail a couple more element
  • Breakfast
  • First nap at 8:30 - 9am is a good time. And this has been shown by Coen sleeping for longer for that first nap. I would suggest this first nap not to be later than this time and to cap it to 1 hour.
  • Milk as he wakes from this nap
  • Lunch at around 11:30am - 12pm
  • Then the next nap will be at around 12:30 - 1pm. Cap it at 2 ½ hours
  • Milk as he wakes again
  • Dinner at around 4:30pm
  • Sleep at around 6:30pm or later


Call on 14th May 2021

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​

What worked this week
  • The days are predictable and have a rhythm that suits you​
  • Moved away from snoozpod (Coen is still getting used to this) 
 Bellow, I will make 2 suggestions to tackle the night awakes and one suggestion to shorten the 5am feed. These are suggestions only, feel free to adapt to best suit you, Coen and the whole family.

As we discussed, doing all together may be too challenging for Coen. 

We also discussed leaving Coen sleeping for as long as he wants in the morning nap and then changing the day accordingly for a few days to see how it impacts the nights. - let me know how that goes! And remember to leave enough time between the naps (around 4 hours or perhaps even a bit more if you see he is not tired)

Floor bed Technique Overview 
Adapted from Sleeping Like a Baby by Avi Sadeh 

Phase 1: 

  • Ideally take the side of the cot apart. Place a mattress on the floor next to the cot at the same height to your baby's mattress.
 
  • After feeding, you lay beside the cot and use white noise, dummy, face stroking, lying together. As you are already doing.
 
  • Gradually reduce this support towards offering only verbal support – shushing, humming, slow breathing, key words, singing. This should be loud enough that your child can hear you and be reassured of your presence. You may also need to stroke his face from time to time.
 
  • Gradually reduce the above support  so Coen knows you are there but response is significantly reduced (see bellow this process broken into small steps)
 
  • ​You can simply say “shh Daddy is sleeping” on occasion and then be quiet 



Ideally you stay with your child the whole time to start with, however, you may be able to get away with sneaking out and returning either before your child wakes up or right away on wake up. Ideally, from your child’s perspective, you are there the whole time. The success of this will depend on how deep and long a sleeper your child is and their age. If it doesn’t work and your child ends up waking before you return, it can back-fire, you could inadvertently teach them to be vigilant through the night to make sure you don’t leave. 

Children may respond very well to a floor bed and by the end of the week no longer need a parent. Or you may need to continue with phase 2

Phase 2:  Weaning off the floor bed

  • If you had taken the side of the cot apart, this is the time to put it back together. You may need to spend a few nights shushing and stroking to reassure all is fine before proceeding to the next steps.
  • Gradually retreat by lying next to your child, lying a bit further away, popping out for a few moments, until eventually they are happy with a story, a kiss and a cuddle and then sleep. The point here is to increase confidence so it is important you don't leave him crying.


Small steps to reduce the support needed at night

  1. First Coen falls asleep on you with stroking and vocal support
  2. Stroke face and vocal support until drowsy and end with shifting the baby to the cot next to your bed. Stroke to sleep with vocal support
  3. Coen starts on cot with stroking and vocal support until drowsy. End with less stroking and same vocal support
  4. Coen starts on the cot with less rubbing and vocal support to drowsy. End with minimal stroking or just firm pressure of hand and vocal support
  5. Coen starts on the cot with just a hand on tummy or face and vocal support to drowsy. End with creating distance between parent and baby. Reduce or remove touching and keep vocal support
  6. Coen starts on cot with minimal touching and normal vocal support to drowsy. End with no touching distance between parent and baby and same amount of vocal support.
  7. Start with the parent sitting and not lying down, no touching, same vocal support to drowsy. End with parent off the bed, no touching same vocal support
  8. Start with parent off the bed, no touching, same vocal support. End with parent off the bed, no touching, intermittent vocal support, and gradually wean off until child no longer needs soothing.
Once you are not feeding to sleep, either parent may be able to soothe to sleep and take turns providing support.
Tackling the 5am feed

  1. Feed him until relaxed, break the latch and pat, shush, jiggle, stroke face to sleep. If he becomes upset, calmly offer a feed. Stop once he is calm and relaxed and jiggle, etc. repeat the process until he falls asleep
  2. .​Continue waking for the 5am feed and work towards less back and fros between feeding and soothing.
  3. Finally aim for skipping that feed all together and feeding at 6am instead.

You could use this same technique to encourage less wake ups in the night, but do note that for some time it will bring you less sleep. Therefore you could choose to tackle just the first couple of wake ups instead of the whole night. 

Also remember that Coen is likely to still need some milk at night. 

20th May 2021

​Ideas to fill the love cup throughout the day and before the bedtime routine.

Connecting play ideas
​
  • Play lots of pick-a-boo
  • Play hiding objects under tea towel 
  • Do something outrageous: pretend to fall over in a silly way, pretend to eat a shoe, play pick-a-boo with a toy and pretend the toy is Coen so after you find it you kiss the toy saying something like ' here you are, I'm going to give Coen a kiss (kiss the toy)! Silly mummy, this is not Coen!'
  • Play tag and then grab a chair and kiss it, then go’ oh, no, this is not you!’
  • Human tug-of-war: parents “fight” for a piece of the child. ‘ I want him. No I do. I have the best part…’ It passes the message: ‘I want you. I see you. I love you.’
  • Give head hugs 
  • Make a human sushi - roll Coen on a towel and roll him side to side.

It can also be helpful to have organised pauses to lower the energy levels from time to time.

​The idea is to do this in addition to working on nights, so to reassure Coen that you are emotionally available for him.

25th May 2021

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What worked this week:
  • Your days are now predictable
  • Coen's naps have greatly improved since the start of the program
  • You have decided that bed sharing for part of the night works best to bring more sleep for the whole family
  • You have done great progress towards stopping the 5am feed
We have reassessed what is happening in the day and night and it is time to revisit the naps. Coen's naps have vastly improved since the start of the program but there are a few more adjustments we can do. These are related to the duration and distribution of naps and adjusting the naps depending on how active his day is.

​There are also some other important points to address that will help with the early awake.

Here are a few suggestions for you to work on this week:​
Naps
  • Encourage a bit more sleep in the day - even an extra 30 minutes
  • If he has swimming or other baby activities, he will be extra tired so help him have an early nap after that.  
  • ​Try and keep the first nap shorter than the second nap. And on days with plenty of physical activities, encourage a longer second nap by trying to resettle him or try a cat nap later in the afternoon.
  • Work on the second nap so the awake window before bedtime is no longer than 3 ½ - 4 hours max. You might need to bring bedtime forward by half hour if his nap ended early.

​
Other points
  • Spend short bursts of time doing some connecting play (See ideas above )
  • ​Offer him a feed at around 10pm or at your bedtime. 
  • Carry on working on the back and forth with the 5am feed
End of program
It was great working with you in the last 6 weeks. You have made some incredible progress with Coen's sleep situation through some hard work and consistency. I hope you can find some time to celebrate your achievements!

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What has changed / is working in the last 6 weeks:
  • Staying a bit flexible about where Coen does his naps, trying to be guided by the sleep he needs and not being too regimented.
  • Coen is waking up much later in the morning most mornings
  • Coen is no longer waking up at night for long periods of time
  • Coen's day is more predictable
  • Coen has moved away from using the snuzpod
  • ​Coen is a lot more physical, crawling and bouncing a lot.
​What were your goals? 

We discussed realistic goal setting, keeping your goals specific, realistic and achievable. You have worked hard and tried to keep to the sleep plan I suggested as much as possible. 
Your main goals were:

Long term goal- Perhaps stop feeding to sleep; flexible where Coen naps; waking up later.
Short term goals - More predictable schedule; longer stretches of sleep in the night

Coen very quickly stopped waking for long period of times in the night. You have made adjustments to the naps and the time he goes to sleep and this has made a positive difference. Adding a rhythm to the day through the meal times has bought you some well desired predictability to your days and you are now able to plan your activities with a better level of certainty. 
Coen still is waking several times per night, even if for only for a few minutes and for a quick feed (which is an improvement). You have decided that co-sleeping is the best option for now as it gives the whole family more sleep. For the nights to be further improved you will need to look at the distribution of naps in the day as well as how Coen falls asleep.  

Here are some average guidance on sleep duration for 10 to 12 month old babies. As we discussed, Coen seems to be to the lower side of this, specially for the night time. 
I'd suggest you carry on encouraging his days to have a predictable rhythm by waking up at roughly at the same time and having set 3 meals.
​
Total night sleep -------- 10 - 11 hours
​Total day time sleep ----- 2 - 3 hours (divided in 2 naps
Awake window ----- 3 to 4 hours (encourage 4 hours awake window before bedtime)
If Coen resists his naps think: 
  • Is he tired enough? - if not :Does he need more exercise?  Does he need his first nap to be shorter?
  • Does the awake window need adjusting? - In general the first awake window is shorter (with a shorter first nap) and the awake window before bedtime is longer.
  • Is he suffering from baby FOMO? - If yes: Does he need to go somewhere more boring? Perhaps playing music in the background to muffle day sounds? Perhaps a darker room 
  • One suggestion is, if he doesn't fall asleep within 20 minutes, then just abandon that nap, go to a different room, have a play. You can then try again after around 40 minutes. 

After 16 months, babies drop from 2 to 1 long lunch time nap. Note that the amount of day time sleep stays the same.

As you can imagine this process is not straightforward. Most babies go through a period of having a few days with 1 nap, and then one or two days with 2 naps. This is a transition period until your child is fully ready for dropping that nap. This process usually takes up to a month. 

How do you know it's time? If Coen often fights the first nap AND the bedtime does not become earlier if he only has one nap. 

One tip for checking if Coen is ready for dropping that nap is: go out for a stroll or a car ride at his usual morning nap time. If he falls asleep, he still needs that nap. 

Lastly, you asked further advice on encouraging Coen to stay in his cot. This is also a great and gentle way to change how babies are falling asleep, which can greatly help with frequent night time awakes.
As you are bed-sharing for part of the night I would recommend you do the floor bed (you can see the steps earlier in this page). 
If the cot is in Coen's room, you could place a mattress next to his cot (with his mattress lower to the ground and the side of the cot removed), and start from there. 

First staying with him the whole night, then gradually increasing the space between the two of you and eventually going back to your room and coming to Coen only when and if he needs support or a feed. You could choose to do this for part of the night and from the 4am wake up/feed, stay with his so you all get more sleep until 6am.

If you are either doing the floor bed or if you are going to carry on as you are for a while longer, I would suggest you feed him at your bedtime (a dream feed perhaps) and at 4am as soon as he wakes up. The 10pm feed will keep him from being hungry and the 4am feed will hopefully resettle him to sleep until 6am.
​
Please keep in mind that when Coen is unwell or is going through a major developmental change, he will need some extra comfort, and that is ok.
​Just think of it as an elastic band: you give more when he needs more, then you give less when he is ok and needs less.
It has been a pleasure going through these weeks with you. I hope you found the program has helped you all to sleep a little better and to develop some tools you can use for the times ahead. 

As Coen grows and his sleep changes, if you need further support I offer a one-off video call. Here is the link for more information https://www.calm-sleep.com/services.html​

Lastly, I would be very grateful if you could email any feedback that will make the service better for future parents or a review to share in my social media. 

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