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Welcome to Nyla's
​sleep program 

 

Here you will find information and supporting links to help you through the journey for better sleep.

You will be able to visit this site whenever you need as we work together, and you will be able to revisit any task, recordings and information up to 8 weeks after the end of our program.

To protect your information, I will erase this page on 14th August 2021

Here is the zoom link for all calls: 

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/73836423253?pwd=Snc5V1FLS1ZvbDVrNDdlZXdFK3R6dz09
Meeting ID: 738 3642 3253
Passcode: p1qCdP


Call 1  - 24 April 2021

Here is your first task. You can print it by clicking on each picture.
90 min call report

Our next call will be on Wednesday, 28th at 10:30am
​

Call 2 - 28 April 2021

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What worked this week
  • Going to sleep easier at night and at naps. - no or very little cry!
  • Longer sleep stint (2 1/2h) on the first part of the night!
  • Has slept 3 hours stretch !
  • Liam has nice dad-daughter time in the morning
This week we will work on adjusting Naps

Suggested times 

Wake: 6:30am
Nap 1: Between 9 and 9:30am    --- try and extend this awake window so sleep starts closer to 9:30am  
Nap 2: Between 1:30 and 2pm   --- try and coax her to stich the sleep cycles by patting mattress and shushing before she wakes 
Bedtime: Between 7:30 8pm

The main focus this week is on exploring what works best for Nyla in terms of day time sleep and helping her learn to extend that lunch time sleep.

​Call 3 - 4th May 2021

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What worked this week
  • Night sleep is a lot better - sometimes sleeping a 5 hour stretch and other times 3 hours.​
  • Nyla is stitching her sleep cycles at the second nap.
  • Nap in the light has made a difference as well.


This week let’s explore what will work for you and Nyla at the end of the bedtime routine and naps routine.
The point of the bedtime routine is to give a predictable and soothing end to the day that is positive, reassuring and familiar. ​
The bedtime from a child’s perspective – This is the time of preparing for separation.
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You are doing this for the long run, so let’s first take some time to explore what works for you and Nyla. Then we will move towards less input with perhaps you sitting down next to the cot, and later just saying a good night phrase before leaving the bedroom.

** This stage we are working on is likely to be the most challenging, so let’s not rush through it. **

Key elements of a great bedtime routine:
Consistent bedtime routine is key!
  • It needs to have a predictable rhythm:
Think of having 3 or 4 elements you do before bedtime. Every single day and in the same order. (as much as possible) . Have that predictable rhythm.
At the moment these are: Liam takes Nyla up stairs, sleeping bag and reads her some stories in a dark room with door open. Rosie then goes upstairs to feed her in the rocking chair with door closed and room dark. Nyla may be rocked  or walked, then perhaps fed again.
There are 2 things we need to adjust here:
  1. Rosie to go upstairs before Nyla starts fussing. Perhaps have the baby monitor on and when you hear Liam is ending the last book, go upstairs. If she is showing signs earlier, Liam may need to make the reading session shorter.
  2. Rosie to find something that you like doing together with Nyla just before placing her in bed. It could be that Liam reads one less book, then Rosie arrives, feeds, reads one book, say good night to owlly, sing a little song and place Nyla in bed.

At first, number 2 will take longer, but with time we will adjust and shorten to around 15 - 20 min
 It is important to be consistent: do the same things in the same order, every night! And remember that at day 3 or 4 it is normal for everything to go a bit wrong. Persist through it!

 I suggest you explore what elements will work for you at the end of the bedtime routine before we move on to making it short and smooth.

  • It needs to be not too long and not too short
If it is too long, she looses focus and start playing and being distracted again. If it is too short, she just doesn’t have enough time to fill that love tank.
We will aim for the routine to last around 30 minutes, once we have found what works for you.

  • It needs to be calming and reassuring

YOU need to be calm and in a good place of mind.
Bedtime can be very stressful: we are all tired (us and our little ones), there seems to be a ton of things to do at that time of the day around the house and sometimes we just want to rush and put our children to bed quickly so we can get on with doing everything and still have a little time to rest. But it is when we rush, that our children take even longer to go to sleep. They pick up on our anxieties and stress and become dysregulated. They then need more help to become regulated again before being able to focus on the bedtime. So it ends up taking longer.
Get prepared! In a practical and in a mental way.
Have everything you need handy. Perhaps even pyjamas, nappies and sleeping bag easy to find. Make sure you are not hungry. Perhaps have a list of what happens in the bedtime routine, so you can relax and not need to remember. Perhaps have some calming music YOU like or some talking relaxation (if this is your type of thing) playing in the background. So You also take the time to slow down. It will make the bedtime routine nicer for you as well as your child and it will help your little one go down easier.

You evening will look something like this:
  1. Tea
  2. Bath
  3. Active, physical play down stairs on nappy
  4. Book as a family on the sofa
  5. Liam to go up stairs
  6. Rosie joins
At first it does not matter where Nyla is falling asleep. What is most important is that you find something else to do at the end of the routine (perhaps 1 book or a song while stroking her hands for example).

Once we find something that is working a little better, we can move it along so she is falling asleep in the cot easily.
​
Later, we will aim for numbers 5 and 6 will last around 30 minutes in total

The other element to work on this week is to do a short version of the bedtime routine before naps. So it could be 1 book, say goodnight to owlly, sing a song stroking hand.

This will help make naps easier and reinforcing the new elements of the bedtime routine. Make sure this does not extend too long so you can have some time for yourself.

I will check up with you on Friday, but do get in touch if you need before that.


​

8th May 2021

Moving on from walking to sleep

We are going to start with what is working now - the base technique. Your goal is to move from this base technique to your goal. 

Your base technique now is: walking / feeding to sleep
Your goal is: sleep in the cot


The first step is to go from your base technique to a different soothing technique that moves you a little closer to your goal. You will take a few small steps towards your goal.

So you will move from walking to sleep to rocking to sleep, to cuddling to sleep, to sleeping in the cot.

I will give you some suggestions to help guide you onto the next steps, but it is completely fine to go with your instincts when planning which steps to take. Feel free to adapt this plan by adding or skipping steps as you go along.
​

The steps you take can be very small or not, depending on your child accepting the new soothing technique and on what makes sense for your family.
Think of these steps like shifting gears in a car. You should always be in a specific gear, not in neutral, to move forward!
There is likely going to be some back and forth between the last step and the new step. So if your child fusses in the new step, you can move back to the last soothing technique (the last step) for support and then go back to the new step. But try and make sure your child falls asleep with the new step to get them into the habit of drifting off to sleep in the new way.

For example: if your baby will only falls asleep while rocking and your new step is to sway to sleep, you can first attempt to only sway. If your baby fusses, you can rock until they are calm. Once they are calm, start swaying again. You may need to go back and forth a few times but try to have your baby fall asleep while swaying.
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Eventually this new step (swaying to sleep) will become your new starting point, the new base technique, and you can encourage your child onto the next step.

>> I suggest that you stay on each new base technique for 2 - 5 nights before moving on to the next step. <<

Step 1:  Walk to sleep --- to --- Rock to sleep
Step 2: Rock to sleep ---- to --- Sway to sleep
Step 3:  Sway to sleep --- to ---- Standing still and patting to sleep in arms
Step 4: Standing still and patting to sleep in arms --- to --- Pat to drowsy in arms and sleep in cot
​(this last step can take longer than 5 days and we can chat about alternative ways if this is not straight forwards )
The challenge may be that Nyla is shifting from feeding to walking to feeding…. We may need to tackle feeding first if the above is not bringing you results or if it is too confusing to feed on and off. We’ll keep an eye!

Call 11th May 2021

The suggestions above were not working, so we have decided to change tactics.

We will use 'bedtime fading' to bypass the bedtime crying and help Nyla find a new, positive way to fall asleep.

The idea is that we will first push bedtime to a later time, when Nyla is already falling asleep (8pm) and at the same time we will introduce a new, simple and short bedtime routine. Once she is sleeping more easily, we will gradually bring the bed time forward. 

The objective is to break the negative associations with the bedtime and introduce a new way of falling asleep.

Let's keep in touch in the next few days and adjust the timing and sequence of events, but I would suggest you persist with this for a few days. 

Here is a suggestion for the routine:
At 7:50 -  8pm go upstairs,
Nappy change (this could happen down stairs)
Feed
Read 1 or 2 books
Owlly, cuddle and sing briefly
Down in the cot
Sit next to her, pat and shush
​

If she falls asleep feeding, hold her with Owlly and sing briefly
Down in the cot, pat and shush (or just shush)


On 14th May 2021

We decided to take a step back, recoup the longer night stints and just then move forward, but in a slower and more gentle way. 

The suggestion is to keep the timings and duration of naps as they are at the moment 
  • first nap at around 9:30am for around 40 minutes
  • second nap at around 2:15pm for around 1h 30 min  - work on extending it past 1 hour duration
  • bedtime around 4 hours (but possibly less than 5h) after waking from second nap. You will need to gage when she is tired enough but not too tired for bedtime.

Bedtime routine:

go upstairs
Nappy change (this could happen down stairs)
Read 1 or 2 books
Feed

Owlly, cuddle and sing briefly
feed and walk to sleep if needed

​Have lots of tight cuddles, tickles, and time in during the day to fill the love cup.

Also give lots of verbal reassurances at bed time say ' mummy is here, we are going to have a big cuddle and I'm going to wait for you to be ready to sleep' 




20th May 2021

We decided to keep encouraging the great naps, work on filling the love cup and then work on the nights, but in a much more gentle way as Nyla has showed us this is what she needs.
Ideas to fill the love cup throughout the day and before the bedtime routine.

  • Play lots of pick-a-boo
  • Play hiding objects under tea towel 
  • Do something outrageous: pretend to fall over in a silly way, pretend to eat a shoe, play pick-a-boo with a toy and pretend the toy is Nyla so after you find it you kiss the toy saying something like ' here you are, I'm going to give Nyla a kiss (kiss the toy)! Silly mummy, this is not Nyla!'
  • Play tag and then grab a chair and kiss it, then go’ oh, no, this is not you!’
  • Human tug-of-war: parents “fight” for a piece of the child. ‘ I want her. No I do. I have the best part…’ It passes the message: ‘I want you. I see you. I love you.’
  • Give head hugs 
  • Make a human sushi - roll Nyla on a towel and roll her side to side.

It can also be helpful to have organised pauses to lower the energy levels from time to time.
Then a very gentle way to help with the nights is the floor bed. The idea is for you to move into her bedroom for a while and sleep right next to her. Then gradually move away from her. 

We can have a call to chat how it would look like but here is the step by step:
(Note that the initial step from being upright to being lying down is a big one and will need patience and perseverance.)
​Floor bed Technique Overview 
Adapted from Sleeping Like a Baby by Avi Sadeh 

Phase 1: 

  • Ideally take the side of the cot apart. Place a mattress on the floor next to the cot at the same height to your baby's mattress.
 
  • After feeding and rocking for a while, you lay beside the cot and use all the sleep tools you have while lying together. 
 
  • Gradually reduce this support towards feeding lying down to start with and eventually towards offering only verbal support – shushing, humming, slow breathing, key words, singing. This should be loud enough that your child can hear you and be reassured of your presence. You may also need to stroke her face from time to time.
 
  • Gradually reduce the above support so Nyla knows you are there but response is significantly reduced (see bellow this process broken into small steps)
 
  • ​You can simply say “shh Daddy is sleeping” on occasion and then be quiet 



Ideally you stay with your child the whole time to start with, however, you may be able to get away with sneaking out and returning either before your child wakes up or right away on wake up. Ideally, from your child’s perspective, you are there the whole time. The success of this will depend on how deep and long a sleeper your child is and their age. If it doesn’t work and your child ends up waking before you return, it can back-fire, you could inadvertently teach them to be vigilant through the night to make sure you don’t leave. 

Children may respond very well to a floor bed and by the end of the week no longer need a parent. Or you may need to continue with phase 2

Phase 2:  Weaning off the floor bed

  • If you had taken the side of the cot apart, this is the time to put it back together. You may need to spend a few nights shushing and stroking to reassure all is fine before proceeding to the next steps.
  • Very gradually increase the separation by lying next to your child (on the other side of the rails), lying a bit further away, popping out for a few moments, until eventually she is happy with a story, a kiss and a cuddle and then sleep. The point here is to increase confidence so it is important you don't leave her crying, so go at Nyla's pace.


Small steps to reduce the support needed at night

Step 1.   First Nyla falls asleep right next to you (but inside the cot) after feeding and rocking (or whilst feeding in your arms), with stroking and vocal support

Step 2.   Stroke face and vocal support until drowsy and end with shifting her to the cot. your mattress still is next to the cot. Stroke to sleep with vocal support.

Step 3.   Nyla starts on cot with stroking and vocal support until drowsy. End with less stroking and same vocal support

Step 4.   Nyla starts on the cot with less rubbing and vocal support to drowsy. End with minimal stroking or just firm pressure of hand and vocal support

Step 5.   Nyla starts on the cot with just a hand on tummy or face and vocal support to drowsy. End with creating distance between parent and baby. Reduce or remove touching and keep vocal support

Step 6. Nyla starts on cot with minimal touching and normal vocal support to drowsy. End with no touching, some distance between parent and baby and same amount of vocal support.

Step 7. Start with the parent sitting and not lying down, no touching, same vocal support to drowsy. End with parent off the bed, no touching same vocal support

Step 8. Start with parent off the bed, no touching, same vocal support. End with parent off the bed, no touching, intermittent vocal support, and gradually wean off until child no longer needs soothing.

Once you are not feeding to sleep, either parent may be able to soothe to sleep and take turns providing support.

Exactly what you do on each step and how many steps to follow, is something you will need to work out depending on what works for you and Nyla. 
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What worked this week: 
  • Quickly settled with shhing and patting
  • Nights are a lot easier
  • Nyla goes down straight away after feeding
  • Waking up 2 or 3 times a night and even once one night (!!!!!!!)
  • You are getting more sleep than ever!

End of program

It was great working with you in the last 8 weeks. You have made some incredible progress with Nyla's sleep situation through some hard work and consistency. I hope you can find some time to celebrate your achievements!

What were your goals? 


We discussed realistic goal setting, keeping your goals specific, realistic and achievable. You have worked hard and tried to keep to the sleep plan I suggested as much as possible. 
Your main goals were:

Long term goal- less night time wakes; less input during naps.
Short term goals - longer stretches of sleep in the night

Nyla responded very quickly to the adjustments you made to her naps and bedtime and from then onwards she showed us she really was ready to to sleep better.

You decided you would keep feeding her to sleep, and as this is working so well, there is absolutely no reason to stop. When you feel it is time to stop, you have already put in place other sleep tools that will help with the transition.

Nyla's bedtime routine was adjusted and was a key element for the improvements. This bedtime routine needs further adjusting so here are some suggestions:

Bedtime routine

I would suggest you plan for the routine in the bedroom to last around 30 minutes. This is the actual bedtime routine. The time down stairs is connecting/calming time. 


Include 3 or 4 elements you do in the bedroom. For example: tiding a limited amount of toys into a box (as Nyla likes toddling about in her bedroom), a feed and a story/song. 

Do these elements in dim light so there is a difference in environment. You could add a diffuser with lavender and vetiver to make the room further different at bedtime. 

As Nyla leaves babyhood, you will probably find that practicing limits during the day makes the bedtime more smooth. It is completely normal for toddlers to explore where the limits are and bedtime is a known time for this. Consistency and having a predictable rhythm is super important.

A way of introducing and reinforcing the message of what is expected at bedtime is by using social stories.


A social story is a personalized bedtime book showing step by step what happens between the start of the bedtime routine (going up stairs), a kiss goodnight, and ending with super happy Nyla waking up in the morning. The idea is to communicate what happens, step-by-step. You can read it down stairs, just before going up and starting the bedtime routine.

Here is a link where you can have one done but you can also print some pictures showing Nyla doing each step, including being asleep in her bed, and staple together.  https://mind-matter.com/ 
It has been a pleasure going through these weeks with you and seeing all the improvements emerge. I hope you found the program has helped you all to sleep better and to develop some tools you can use for the times ahead. 

As Nyla grows and her sleep changes, if you need further support I offer a one-off video call and soon will be adding a more affordable top up call to the services page. Here is the link for more information https://www.calm-sleep.com/services.html​ 

Lastly, I would be very grateful if you could email any feedback that will make the service better for future parents or a review to share in my social media. 

All the best
Karina​
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